Attaining happiness can seem paradoxical. The more you actively pursue it, the more it evades you. Darren McMahon, author of “The History of Happiness,” posits, “The moment you ask yourself, ‘Am I happy?’ Stop being happy.” How could this be true? Could it be that you’re seeking happiness in the wrong places? You may equate happiness with the fleeting euphoria of achieving a goal. Some argue that happiness resembles falling in love; you can’t force it. What indeed impedes our path to happiness? Exploring the reasons and barriers to happiness is our focus in this article. Join us as we delve into this topic.
Ways to Overcome Obstacles to Happiness
Simplifying Complexity
One of the hurdles to happiness is complexity. The remedy lies in simplification.
Tapten Jinpa, who has studied in Buddhist monasteries since childhood, understands the benefits of simplicity. He explains, “Why do nuns and monks shave their heads? It’s simple; it makes life easier.” Despite no longer being a monk, Jinpa still upholds some anti-luxury values of monastic life. “Our family only has one car, which highlights the pitfalls of owning multiple cars: costs, maintenance, and the time spent managing them,” he remarks. He says having multiple credit cards doesn’t bring happiness or freedom.
He observes that modern life offers many choices, yet we pay a hefty price for these choices. Simplifying your life frees up more time in your schedule, letting you focus on what matters.
Unrelenting Pace (Without a Brake)
Another impediment to happiness is the relentless pace of life. The solution lies in taking breaks.
In a culture ensnared by complexity, you may find yourself in a perpetual state of chase. Jinpa warns, “You pay for such tension with your soul.” Short breaks throughout the day, whether through meditation, silence, or solitude, can rejuvenate and bring happiness. Mornings are particularly conducive to this practice. Without such breaks, life can spiral out of control.
Robina Curtin, a Buddhist monk, suggests dedicating these moments to meditation and reflection. “Amidst the sensory overload of daily life, we often neglect our minds,” he observes. By sitting quietly and focusing on your breath, you can learn to listen to your soul.
Negativity
Negativity poses another obstacle to happiness.
In a letter to a California prisoner, Lama Zopa Rinpoche wrote, “Your prison is nothing compared to the inner prison of regular people: the prison of attachment, the prison of anger, the prison of depression, the prison of pride.”
While some may view this statement as exaggerated, Jinpa notes that pessimistic thoughts have a certain “stickiness.” Your perspective dramatically influences how you experience the world, making cultivating a positive outlook crucial. “You interact with the world through your mind and senses,” Jinpa asserts. Mastering your emotions enables you to navigate life with greater ease.
In our culture, it has become commonplace to experience depression, anxiety, or Sadness. Curtin remarks, “It’s no wonder we’re depressed when the prevailing narrative suggests we can’t change it.” Holding onto the belief that external factors like a spouse, parent, or boss are the root of your unhappiness only perpetuates your captivity.
From a Buddhist standpoint, Curtin suggests that happiness arises from liberating oneself from mental anguish. This realization empowers you, as it signifies your ability to effect change. Instead of judging negative thoughts, Curtin advises approaching them with compassion and asking, “What can I do about it?”
While techniques like meditation can be beneficial, they may not suit everyone, particularly those grappling with severe depression. Goldin, a researcher at Stanford University, suggests simple steps like practising gratitude to combat negative thoughts and invite more happiness into your life.
Disappointment
Disappointment presents another obstacle to happiness.
Have you ever been told as a child, “Don’t get your hopes up!”? David B. Feldman, a professor of clinical psychology, asserts that hope never disappoints. While individuals can significantly impact each other’s happiness, misconceptions about hope often arise.
Hope isn’t about plastering on a smile or denying the loss of a loved one. According to Feldman, hope is sustained through purpose, plan, and motivation to achieve goals, even in dire circumstances.
Suppressing Sadness
Suppressing Sadness is another barrier to happiness, which can be overcome by expressing your emotions.
James Doughty, director of the Center for Research on Kindness and Philanthropy, warns against shielding children from all forms of frustration, as adversity fosters resilience and personal growth. Acknowledging and expressing Sadness isn’t incompatible with a positive mindset. Spiegel emphasizes that suppressing Sadness diminishes the experience of positive emotions. By allowing yourself to feel and express emotions, you gain a sense of control and can seek specific solutions.
Excessive Self-Focus
Excessive self-focus is the sixth obstacle to happiness, remedied by fostering connections with others.
Social networks play a significant role in shaping our happiness, with even acquaintances’ joy impacting our own. Unfortunately, excessive self-absorption deprives individuals of this shared joy. Jinpa warns that self-centeredness leads to a narrow worldview, hindering empathy and understanding.
Expanding your perspective allows you to recognize the universality of suffering and fosters compassion towards others. Building connections through kindness and love provides comfort and happiness. As Robert Sapolsky observes, even primates comfort one another in stress, underscoring the innate human need for companionship.
In conclusion, understanding and overcoming these obstacles can pave the way for a happier, more fulfilling life. Through simplifying our lives, taking breaks, fostering positivity, embracing hope, expressing emotions, and cultivating connections, we can guide the complexities of existence with greater resilience and contentment.
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